Obama's War Against All Humanity

War on Humanity Declared

by Luke Hiken / May 10th, 2011

Following up on the murder of Osama Bin Laden, the Obama administration today announced the formation of a joint Military/Domestic Police Force (MDPF) to carry out a War on Humanity. Recognizing that the War on Drugs, the War on Terror, the War on Poverty, the War on Crime, and the War on Illegal Immigration were all dismal failures, the Obama brain trust decided that by consolidating all of these campaigns into one simple war, encompassing all of humanity, the corporations that profited and built their empires upon these rationalizations could justify endless oppression, imprisonment, deportation, torture and accumulation of the wealth of the entire nation under one rubric.

By setting aside any pretense of necessity, the consolidated MDPF could freely arrest any and all civilians who did not immediately turn over all of their wealth and possessions to the corporate billionaires who run the MDPF. Any opposition to the formation of the MDPF, or any irresponsible discussion of taxing the rich could be directly dealt with through use of drones, renditions, Navy SEALs or other appropriate actions.

Because the consolidated MDPF would have world-wide jurisdiction, there would no longer be any need for Congress to waste its time on meaningless treaties with other nations, compliance with an antiquated system involving independent state autonomy, or adherence to a Constitution that had lost any semblance of vitality and effectiveness for the last five administrations.

The MDPF immediately created an Office of Public Propaganda (OPP), setting forth numerous explanations for their actions and activities. Terms such as enhanced interrogation, enemy combatant, communications management units, corporate personhood and a variety of euphemisms would be endorsed, so that the American people, who had long since lost the capacity to read or think critically, would feel comfortable with the actions of the parenting organization.

Anyone who believed they had been wronged by the MDPF could immediately file a request with the MDPF Military Tribunal (MDPF-MT) for relief. Because the Tribunal was entirely familiar with the internal workings of the MDPF, it would be in the best position to make any decisions regarding justice and truth. Costly appeals would be unnecessary, given the internal integrity of the MDPF-MT decision-makers. The Tribunal did not state what the punishment would be for filing what they considered to be a frivolous appeal.

It was determined that General Betray-Us was the ideal man to head the MDPF, and he would do so with the brilliant independent support of the civilian community, as represented by Hillary Clinton. Their understudies, in case of national emergency, would be retired General McChrystal, and ace war correspondent, Lara Logan. Both couples were photogenic, popular, and more frightening than 5000 Osama Bin Ladens.

The OPP announced that news of the War on Humanity was met with a chorus of cheers and chants: Osama, Obama, We’re Gonna Get Your Momma!! There was no reported opposition to the MDPF that this reporter was able to find.

Luke Hiken is an attorney who has engaged in the practice of criminal, immigration, and appellate law. Read other articles by Luke, or visit Luke's website.

This article was posted on Tuesday, May 10th, 2011 at 8:00am and is filed under Capitalism, Corporate Globalization, Empire, Satire, Terrorism (state and retail).